Take out the trash every Tuesday, and I’ll promise to love you…

Written by Sheila on November 25th, 2009

I read this article on www.WQMagOnline.com and had to share it with you!

coupleDiscussing these 5 question with your fiancé before the wedding will give you a jump start on ‘happily ever after.’

“Many brides and grooms to be focus on the wedding day preparations and plans, spending more time on planning one day than on considering the commitment to each other that is going to be made on that day. While the wedding day is a lovely, special time of celebration of your love for each other, it is only the start of your marriage. Asking these five questions and discussing the answers with each other before you say “I do” will help you both to prepare for the marriage, not just the wedding day.

Question 1 – How will money be spent? Many couples end up fighting over how money is to be spent. Discussing the issue before you get married helps you to avoid many arguments and upsets within your marriage. Decide whether all income will be shared and placed automatically into joint bank accounts, or whether some money will be allocated for individual’s discretionary spending.

Discuss the priorities for deciding how money will be spent in the future including who has responsibility for ensuring bills will be paid. Discuss a household budget and consider how much money will be allocated towards savings and investments. Talk about money issues now and save arguing in the future.

Question 2 – How will disagreements be sorted out?
Right now, you are very happy together and cannot imagine having major disagreements. However, even two people who are still deeply in love with each other will find that sometimes disagreements occur. You will not always agree on every single idea. What happens when a disagreement about what age your child should be allowed to go shopping, or which holiday is better to take the family on?

Decide on some rules for solving disagreements right now, before you actually say “I do”. One good rule is to keep to the issue at hand, and do not bring in old arguments or fights. Some happily married couples advocate discussing the issues until a compromise can be reached, others suggest not fighting in front of the children. Decide now what you will do when disagreements occur and prevent the disagreements turning into full blown fights.

Question 3 – How many children will be ideal?

If one person does not want children at all and the other one is dreaming of raising a football team, there will be plenty of arguments. Before you get married, discuss how many children you both feel would be ideal. Also discuss when you would like to start trying for children – from the honeymoon, or a couple of years later?

Question 4 – How will children be cared for
Your marriage may not automatically play out like your parents’ marriage did. Your fiancé was raised in a different family and will have a variety of expectations about how children should be cared for, that may well differ from your own views. You may not agree on everything now, but having some similar ideas about how children will be raised will show compatibility in your marriage, whether or not children eventuate.

If you strongly believe that one parent will stay at home to provide child care, this will need to be discussed early on. Remember that this decision has financial implications for the household, such as living on one income. Discuss ideas about raising children now, such as private versus public school and expectations of parenting roles.

Question 5 – How will household chores be accomplished?
This is probably one of the most important decisions you can make as a couple. Who will cook, clean, mow the lawn, and maintain the house? Discuss the division of labour now, so that you both have clear expectations of what you need to do.

Often newlyweds have difficulties because these tasks are not clearly discussed, and each individual expects that the other person will automatically complete the task. Just because your father always mowed the lawn and your mother cooked every meal, does not mean that this will be the way household chores are divided in your new family. Discuss how the household chores are distributed, especially if both people are working full time.

By asking these five questions and taking the time to discuss your answers with each other before you actually get married will help you to decide if you really do want to make that commitment together.
These discussions will also help you work through the process of learning to compromise and to live happily together as one family unit.

Your marriage relationship is more important than getting the right flowers or dress for the wedding day, so spend some time putting into place the guidelines and ground rules for your relationship. Enjoy your entire marriage, not just the wedding day, by putting some time in planning and discussing these important relationship issues now.”

By Hayley Hunkin


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